Thursday, July 23, 2015

What Happened to Wednesday?

I walked for three hours the other day, through the city.
I didn't even notice.
How long it had been, I mean.

I should be almost done my college paper by now.
I'm not sure how many hours I sat here this week.
I don't know what happened to my paper.
I don't even know what it's supposed to be about.
Odd, considering the class is over on Monday.

I woke up this morning, unsure of what day it is.
Okay, that's pretty normal.
But then, I woke up again.
Still pretty normal for me.
But I couldn't figure out what had happened today.
What was from yesterday.
Wait, was yesterday Tuesday?
No, yesterday was Wednesday.
What did I do on Wednesday?
I just woke up.
But I was up before.
What did I do when I was up before?
I can't remember if I got out of bed.
If I picked out my clothes.
I know I was awake.
I talked to my mother.
Or maybe that was yesterday?
I checked my phone.
Today is Thursday.
Is this pile of clothing what I wore yesterday
Or what I picked out today?
Yesterday was Tuesday.
I went to the psychiatrist.
No, wait.
Today is Thursday.
I have a doctor's appointment today.
I better get up for real.
But wasn't it just Tuesday?

My mother asked if I was feeling better today.
Wait. I wasn't feeling well yesterday?
Wasn't it Tuesday that I was cranky?
But today is Thursday.
What happened to Wednesday?
Maybe my phone has the wrong day.
No, my iPod says the same date.
So does my computer.
And my calendar.

What happened to Wednesday?

Friday, May 1, 2015


The web
Of connections
That make things hard
Missing therapy
Cause of medication's
Side effects
Stopping the medicine
Causing returning symptoms
Going on a diet
To lose the weight gained
Getting steroids
To fight the side effects
Of a medicine
I no longer take

Monday, November 3, 2014


Being in debt
Owing my therapist thousands
Literally thousands
Is so difficult

I think twice about everything
Should I take the bus
Or walk?

Can I buy a new winter coat
Or should I wear the one that's too small?

Is it okay to buy a pack of super cool markers
Or is treating myself wrong
When I owe so much?

I try to contact organizations to help.
I choke on my words as I leave a message
And then don't even hear back.

I get emails back from people that they're "working on it"
But how do I know if I should shoot off a reminder or just wait it out?

To donate to my therapy fund:


Keren Zichron Gedalyahu 
C/O Rabbi Keller
565 East 8th Street
Brooklyn, NY 11218

Wednesday, June 18, 2014


I am lifeless
I am drained
I have no thoughts
Those pulling me away

Sunday, April 13, 2014

CYS Day 2014

For those who are newer to my blog, CYS stands for Celebrate Your Strength, and today, the day before bedikas chometz is the day I do my celebrating. Seventeen years ago today, I broke out of the abuse. I told.

I try to make the day special, ever since my last therapist came up with the idea a bunch of years ago. I've gotten together with friends, painted pottery...done a lot of really nice things.

This year I'm not feeling it, I'm crying, and I can't think of a single thing to do. Ideas welcome!